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Guest Message by DevFuse

tweego

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Posts posted by tweego

  2. Posted · Edited by tweego

    Holy hell @Paul, your graphic and the way you describe your character.

    Man, I'm crossing both fingers and toes that I'll stumble across you in the world!

    Spoiler

    Straight up, 9/10.

     

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  4. Posted

    I'm just gonna hop in and give my view on things!

    It's a neat small graphic, but it's a bit.. Clustered. I like the way you're separating stories and including small pictures as to gain a small image of the scenarios.

    There's some repeating in words and sentences,  such as; 

    Spoiler

    ''But the face of the young boy brightened, and a big smile popped on his face. He finally found someone who can help him, someone that he can trust. Someone that made him feel safe after all this time. ''

    And then, immediately in the next sentence you write;

    ''The face of the young boy brightened, and a big smile popped on his face, he finally found someone who can help him, someone that he can trust.''

     

    You also tend to use the word 'someone' a lot. Another substitution could be; ''He finally found a soul who can help him, a leader to follow and trust.''

    However, with that being said;  it's a nice work of writing.

    Spoiler

    Solid 7/10. It's neat and short.

     

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  5. Posted

    It's quite neat, though I think the text and font is a bit too big.

    Your writing is somewhat good, but it definitely could use a bit of work.

    One of my tips would be to; give a friend or a fellow player a short draft of the biography so they can correct it or help wording things.

    The formatting is a blessing on my eyes, but then again; a bit too big.

    Spoiler

    6/10, great work @Senpai!

     

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  6. Posted

    Wow.

    This is a really good piece of writing.

    Personally, I'd love to see more information about Kido as an individual -- such as basic info; which could be his eye-colour, height and so forth.

    Either way, I'm excited to see the continued work on this.

    Spoiler

    8/10, eager to see more from you @Sign!

     

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  7. Posted

    As much as I want to like this biography, it's hard for me simply due to the way you're trying to foreshadow a strong and cautious persona; but it simply ends up as unoriginal. 
    My advice would be to try to create a more original scenario in which your character's arc start.

    The graphics are pretty neat though, it's a bit clustered together, but still somewhat neat.

    Spoiler

    6/10, could use some work.

     

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  11. Posted

    I'm gonna chime in and agree with @Paul.
    Even though I'm rolling Uchiha, there's plenty of ways to counter it, it's all about out-smarting your enemies.

    Being a shinobi isn't about being strong, it's about being able to predict your enemies next movement.

    Heck, having one more talent point as 'clanless' can actually prove very valuable -- it's too early to determine what build is the most viable.

    My two cents is, remember the pros and cons of everything -- but don't take everything in moderation as we don't have anything to compare with; yet.

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  12. Posted

    On 3/2/2020 at 10:28 PM, Dan said:

    Hi guyss i new here sinse 2 day ago be nice and no criticismz on me posts pls englano americano no first languege

    massah is lie. he say come rollplay. i come rollplay. but game not out!

    In all seriousness, I was lucky to have been approached by @Dan (massah) and eventually fell in quite quickly.

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  16. Posted

    The sheer amount of dedication, the finesse -- the grammar.. This.. This truly, is what one would call a master-piece.. Take notes everyone, quick!

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