Necron uchiha

[GoldenTrident 0]

Necron was born in leaf village and joind the academy at the age of 10

He was born Paralyzed from the waist down he had to use Wheelchair  all of the other students and Sensei laughed at him and bully him while he couldn't do anything and told him he will never become a ninja his only "friends" were books he found a book about pupetes and  Read that pupters use chakra strings to move the pupets  years later he made a technic letting him use chakra strings to make the  paralyzed part of his body work at first it took alot of Concentration just to move a toe and  after a year when he was able to walk with Crutches he went to the wild at first he was very nervous tho with the help of his sharingun he survived for sometime and slowly but surely he was able to walk like a normal human tho it took alot of Concentration...

But now he can do it without even thinking about it and he seeks  Revenge on the people who bullyed him if they have helped he would've made this technic earlier and just for them he made a technic that disconnects someones nerves and he cant wait to use it to show the world how is it to not be able to do anything while getting slashed by a sword in the chest as a 10 years old kid , *6 years later*  he was  known as  the shirt lass demon and everyone of  his victoms have been founded with scars on their chest just like his own,  while in is journey to awaken his  mangakyou sharingun 

He found Nisshomaru and diceded to join the blood oath to make the world go through what he went through and then they'll will understand the pain in being helpless he thought and smiled to himself

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Height: 6′ 5″

 

Weight: 150lbs

 

Age: 20

 

Blood type: A

 

Primary chakra nature: lightning

 

Hidden Village: leaf

 

Clan: uchiha

 

Organization: The Blood Oath

 

Specialization: strategy

Gender: male

Hiar color: black and white

Eye color: red(normal color) with sharingun in both eyes

Wepon: chackra infused duel swords

 

 

Edited August 28, 2021 by GoldenTrident

[AncientofLore 4]

The Disability Issue & General Feedback

This is coming from a place of wanting to keep a quality standard in RP overall, since it's a pet peeve of mine, but it's especially true in guild RP that people need to understand how you convey your character. Reading about Nacron, I've surmised a load of information that doesn't come easy to read. For starters, punctuation and clarity are very important in conveying a character. You've given us ample tons in regards to his skills, but reading through it has given me one or two aneurysms that could've been avoided through a bit more proofreading.

Another aspect of parsing information about a character is formatting, which I've commented on in regards to other character bios as well. You'll want to draw the reader in when you're creating a biography for people to briefly get to know them. Create title cards and make it more visually appetizing so that fellow roleplayers will want to read it. 

What I have an actual problem with that's intrinsic to the character is that you've taken a physical disability, which would be a really potent means of representation that no other character I've seen so far has struggled with to this extent, and practically erased it by saying that your character learned how to fix it when he was young through a self-made technique. It would be fruitful and definitely more rewarding from an RP perspective to have your character earn that power, so that others can see the representation of a person struggling with their disability before rising above it and above all odds. To me, that sounds like a far more inspiring story that you could develop in real time, with players and friends.

 

The Mangekyou Misconception

Your character doesn't have to befriend someone to kill them in order to awaken a Mangekyou. A Mangekyou is awakened through deep psychological torment of any kind, which often might involve death (e.g. Karin's death, Itachi's parents' death, Itachi's death). Just because that's how the show did it, doesn't mean that it's a rule of thumb that you have to make a deep acquaintance to acquire it. Further than that, your character making a friendship for that express purpose of awakening their Mangekyou ignores the fact that your character's perception of the relationship created would instantly be incredibly shallow. You can't befriend a person for the purpose of killing them, and force yourself to have a meaningful connection while knowing that you would kill them eventually just for that Ultra Period Eye. 

P.S.

What's the mark of Setan? If it's Satan, that's noncanon and derides from the value of your character's place in the universe. I mean, there is no Satan in the universe of Naruto, and I'm sure that even after the revisions made by Vlad and the team there won't be any mentions of biblical stuff. Though this might be a reach from my part, I only took a stab at what I think you were going for. 

Also, how will the world 'understand the pain of being helpless' by someone who can use a jutsu to just casually brush off his disability and pain?

 

Again, all of this feedback is coming from a good place in spite of how harsh it may sound in areas. I want what's best for a thriving RP community, and I think you can do your best to revise this in ways that make it convey your own character better. Welcome to our little community!

[GoldenTrident 0]

Thanks for the review i am still working o the bio but i will take the things you said to my hand 

And the mark of saten is like a nick name for the scar he got on the chest when he was 10 yo

And the power  had letted  him disconect nerves with his chakra like how sasory controls his pupets 

Btw: i made that at 1am

 

 

Edited August 28, 2021 by GoldenTrident