AncientofLore

Those look neat, exactly the style of the Naruto franchise! I would like to give you tip on making your lines look smoother; either in your tablet's settings or on the software you're using (Photoshop, SAI, whatever it is), until you learn to clean up your lines better instinctively in which posture helps a damn lot, you'll find there is an option to raise the smoothness of the brush you're using, and ways to up or lower the sensitivity of your digital pen onto the tablet's surface to really get that organic feel out of your piece. Eventually you'll learn to clean lines up by yourself, but tools like that can be really helpful to get you started on your evolution towards more advanced techniques.

I want you to draw Nobu in the style of the Naruto manga if possible. The pose can be anything you choose, goofy or serious. It’s just that Nobu isn’t often the goofy type, so solemn or pondering is his default expression. Attached are some references; go wild! P.S. The headband on his belt sash is engraved, since he’s a missing-nin.

Honestly, I don't find it bad by any means narratively that Naruto lost his no.1 crutch in every single fight. It's further motivation for him to expand his Sage knowledge, and it shifts the narrative to tell us that hard work will beat talent and inherent power any day, any time. Entertaining your alternative of Sasuke dying and Naruto taking his Sharingan eyes- first off, Naruto's character and growth prevent him from doing that. Wearing his best friend's eyes, eyes that grew powerful after murder and dulled conscience? It will look bad to Konoha and will reflect badly onto him as a Hokage to take up the characteristics, even symbolically, of the man exiled for almost deciding to kill the entire world. We must remember that Sasuke isn't exactly -good-, and we haven't seen major strides in morality for him after Naruto Shippuden. Sometimes faves die, you just gotta accept it and move on. If everything could be beat by Susano'o Kurama, then nothing would be interesting. Now that there's a struggle, people complain?

Adding onto posts about Guild bases and player housing, I'd like to propose that we look into SWTOR's Stronghold system. In it, each player owns their own Stronghold- called a house and used primarily for storage and roleplay. Each guild owns a starship, pretty much, that the guild leaders and admins can customize save for the bare product. We could do well with having good places to RP in, but if the community veers towards PvP and PvE, it'll be hard for roleplayers to truly facilitate their activities in the public eye for many a reason (fear of being ganked out of character, lack of areas compatible for the roleplay in question, a simple lack of need nor want for engaging in content other than roleplaying, etc.) Having a personalized space for the player to customize would not only aid in that problem, but offers the player the welcome feeling of being able to personalize their space and let people they trust into their houses. In terms of guild RP, a lot of people and guilds either have in mind a specific building (Mirage, for example), or meeting places that in the overworld could very well be purposefully ganked to annoy the roleplayers (don't gawk at it, I've seen it happen too many times to people through half a dozen different games, it's a mentality issue). If I want to roleplay a lengthy scene with my organization, we would need a space where we can immerse ourselves unhindered, a space that we can mold to our own specific needs. Below, I will attach suggestions for instanced buildings that Organizations can choose from in order to facilitate a healthy roleplaying environment; A small cave system with a dilapitated temple at the end; suitable for Rogue Ninja roleplay. A choice between 2-story buildings in the style of the Leaf Village, Sand Village, Mist Village, and others coming in time through updates. An inn or tavern, preferably with elements from a choice of village just like those in the above suggestion. A choice of different iconic arenas from the overworld, instanced so the foliage and flora can be customized to make it more unique and plausibly different to those in canon. All these are meant as suggestions to strengthen the will for RP that the community already plentifully has. Feedback is appreciated and wanted.

Dope!

Welcome! Always good to see more Jakes in the world, I think.

General Feedback I'll be honest with you, I like the concept. It can be strengthened in due time, fitted through the cogs of our current lore and developed through roleplay in due time. The problem lies within small things that take away from your character's plausibility, but I can't deny their originality. First off, in this section I will describe in good will how you could improve your character concept to fit the world, and also develop the skills to convey him more aptly. If I have more notes, I will either edit this post or reply further. Again, I enjoy the concept you've created. You've presented a part of the Uchiha Clan that could very well exist on the fringe, especially given our liberties with the server's lore. Granting your character the Water Release differentiates him and this branch of the Uchiha Clan, giving them their own space to work with and moving away from the stereotype of 'All Uchiha are Fire Release masters'. However, you shoot yourself in the foot the very next second because you've changed the Sharingan into a... blue sharingan? I can give you that it's original, but that depends on the lore of this Azamaki sub-Clan (I'd urge you to refer to it as a sub-Clan, because it's technically a branch of the Uchiha in the way you've presented it to the reader). If the Azamaki sub-Clan existed for ages, even before the First War, as part of the Uchiha Clan, then I can understand a mutation happening over the generations to distinguish them from their far-but-not-so-far removed cousins. However, if the Azamaki sub-Clan is a fairly recent thing, that neither explains nor excuses a mutation appearing in their bloodline to change it so adamantly in such little time. You've got two avenues to go with, really, but I'd also add another flavorful detail for you to think about; since the Azamaki sub-Clan's village is surrounded by man-forged mist on all sides, why not flavor this new Sharingan archetype around that? 'Diamond' Sharingan seems a bit off-flavor when there's nothing to indicate that the sub-Clan had mines, or that mining was a huge part of their livelihood and identity. 'Mist' Sharingan has a decent ring to it, is just as plausible if not moreso, and it's also flavored around the Mists surrounding the village. You can color it a light grey with strokes of silver for uniqueness. My final note to ease the recollections of those who'd say 'different colors of the same eye can't exist' is to reference the differently colored Sharingan, Byakugan, and Rinnegan of the Otsutsuki Clan. That manifested because of aptitude and biological difference- which is not at all different from what you're trying to achieve with your backstory. Speaking of the backstory, it is kind of cliche but I'm not mad at it. While on the nose, and a bit cheeky, I find it a tiny bit charming. As a final note that I'd like to put my two cents on; if the eye is a clan mutation, both his eyes would be the same color. If it's hereditary and depends on the Clan's position, geography, and lore, then both eyes would be blue. I didn't want to mention it at first because you must've put a lot of work into editing the pictures to fit your character, but I felt it needed to be pointed out. Can't wait to see you and interact in-game with my character, Nobu. Welcome to our community!

The Disability Issue & General Feedback This is coming from a place of wanting to keep a quality standard in RP overall, since it's a pet peeve of mine, but it's especially true in guild RP that people need to understand how you convey your character. Reading about Nacron, I've surmised a load of information that doesn't come easy to read. For starters, punctuation and clarity are very important in conveying a character. You've given us ample tons in regards to his skills, but reading through it has given me one or two aneurysms that could've been avoided through a bit more proofreading. Another aspect of parsing information about a character is formatting, which I've commented on in regards to other character bios as well. You'll want to draw the reader in when you're creating a biography for people to briefly get to know them. Create title cards and make it more visually appetizing so that fellow roleplayers will want to read it. What I have an actual problem with that's intrinsic to the character is that you've taken a physical disability, which would be a really potent means of representation that no other character I've seen so far has struggled with to this extent, and practically erased it by saying that your character learned how to fix it when he was young through a self-made technique. It would be fruitful and definitely more rewarding from an RP perspective to have your character earn that power, so that others can see the representation of a person struggling with their disability before rising above it and above all odds. To me, that sounds like a far more inspiring story that you could develop in real time, with players and friends. The Mangekyou Misconception Your character doesn't have to befriend someone to kill them in order to awaken a Mangekyou. A Mangekyou is awakened through deep psychological torment of any kind, which often might involve death (e.g. Karin's death, Itachi's parents' death, Itachi's death). Just because that's how the show did it, doesn't mean that it's a rule of thumb that you have to make a deep acquaintance to acquire it. Further than that, your character making a friendship for that express purpose of awakening their Mangekyou ignores the fact that your character's perception of the relationship created would instantly be incredibly shallow. You can't befriend a person for the purpose of killing them, and force yourself to have a meaningful connection while knowing that you would kill them eventually just for that Ultra Period Eye. P.S. What's the mark of Setan? If it's Satan, that's noncanon and derides from the value of your character's place in the universe. I mean, there is no Satan in the universe of Naruto, and I'm sure that even after the revisions made by Vlad and the team there won't be any mentions of biblical stuff. Though this might be a reach from my part, I only took a stab at what I think you were going for. Also, how will the world 'understand the pain of being helpless' by someone who can use a jutsu to just casually brush off his disability and pain? Again, all of this feedback is coming from a good place in spite of how harsh it may sound in areas. I want what's best for a thriving RP community, and I think you can do your best to revise this in ways that make it convey your own character better. Welcome to our little community!

We'll most definitely see each other in-game, I'll be looking forward to it IC and OOC!

Thank you for the compliments! Regarding the Kekkei Genkai, so I get it out of the way, the specific one was presented during a post-war Naruto movie and has solid lore foundations that imply its existence pre-war, with ample history to support it. I chose it to have the freedom to expand on a piece of lore that would have needed some further expansion, and also because it's underappreciated. Still, your feedback is humbly appreciated and warranted! Finally, I'd be glad to change anything that doesn't fit with the setting's lore once it releases for everyone! Thank you for the reply.

While I like that you took the time to write this, it feels choppy and lacking in effort. This is coming from a place of feedback and not anything else, and you can easily choose to move past my advice, but I feel as though embedding your original character into the story in such a way that involves pretty much five people from canon lore is not only unoriginal, but it doesn't help you convey your story. Not only do we not entirely know the lore direction that the server will be going in complete detail (at least I do not), saying that Team 7 adopted RSafak and Chen, his brother, is something that goes against both what they as characters would do, and what the lore after the war implies. To further touch on why the Big Three and two of the most recognized Uchiha characters deter from your own story, think about this; the time you spent figuring out how your character can be shoehorned into their stories in an unoriginal way, you could've easily spent figuring out a more plausible story that involves similar personalities but not the same characters. In roleplay, people will be thinking twice about interacting with a character that has such implications with the established lore. In terms of formatting, I think you could do much better to draw the eye. Add some better visuals, make title cards, and lower the font size of your paragraph text in order to help the reader understand that what you're writing is a paragraph and consequently part of the story. Make it more visually pleasing to people who will possibly want to interact with RSafak. Oh, and.. I don't get the decision of nomenclature here. Why are two of his first name's letters capitals, and why is his name more Middle-Eastern than Asian? In RP and in the world in general, immersion is something fragile and things like this do cause rifts between what's supposed to be present in the shinobi world and what is out of place. I'd suggest a name with meaning. Those were all my points, and I'd like to remind you that this is meant in no way to deter you from your character concept but rather to help you improve it. Hope to see you in-game when it launches!

This is pretty great! I can see my character and yours interacting at some point, she appears to be rather interesting. Keep up the good work! P.S. I love the visuals you've provided! Worked on art for Nobu as well but it's quite that amazing, so great job.

RESERVED

[Credited to Kagari] "Our good intentions have always been delayed." Age: Late and bitter 20s Clan: Chinoike Rank: Genin [Currently officially a missing-nin] Traits: Pacifist | Introverted | Distrustful | Guarded EXPERIENCES & TIMELINE Rise to Genin, Land of Hot Water Circa Third Hokage’s Death While the Land of Fire was handling a crisis unlike any other at the time, Nobu, in spite of his troubled lineage, took on a fake name and lived long enough within the Land of Hot Water to become a pupil, and be allowed to graduate as Genin. During this time, he learned the principles of pacifism and the importance of upholding Yugakure’s unique brand of keeping out of any bloodshed. From D-Class to B-Class, Land of Hot Water From Third Hokage’s Death to Conclusion of Search for Fifth Hokage During a calamitous time in the world, with political powers vying for growth and the might of the Village Hidden in the Leaves tested by Orochimaru, Nobu was far away and in training. Through the bonds gained with his team, and though guarded because of his heritage, the young man managed to show his talents in Ninjutsu. During this time, his aptitude for Water Style and Fire Style were discovered. Chunin Ascendance & Later Life, Land of Hot Water Emerge of Sound Four to Kidnapping of Last Uchiha Clan Member Nobu was quickly becoming apt in the ways of performing missions to find missing nin, recover artefacts for the Land of Hot Water, and aid medical nin in difficult assignments where assistants were becoming a necessity. After all, during this time tensions between each nation began reaching a political boiling point. In the Chunin Exams that followed, a 12-year old Nobu was forced into submission and narrowly avoided an unnecessary death from his bloodthirsty opponent (a zealous Jashin worshipper) when his Kekkei Genkai activated on instinct, the Chinoike Clan’s own Ketsuryugan. While not as infamously powerful as the Sharingan or devastating as the Rinnegan, the ability of this doujutsu let Nobu manipulate the blood in his opponent’s system, causing internal bleeding and leading to their untimely death seconds thereafter. Needless to say, the examiners were in morbid shock. Because of Yugakure’s pacifistic ways, and the history of the Chinoike Clan which Nobu was able to shield himself from for the longest time during childhood, this was as far as the boy could go. For the good of the Village, he needed to be captured and either studied or slain. After all, the rest of his clan was dead, and such a dangerous, blood-curdling eye could not be allowed to exist within this peace-abiding land. Having unofficially passed his test, but never given his certification of legitimacy as Chunin due to him running away at the revelation, Nobu Masanori shed his false name and began to wander the Lands as a vagabond. Now, several years having been alone, he has drawn from nature to learn more about his Fire Style and Water Style aptitudes. He hops villages and towns to gain scrolls of knowledge, and often looms for days for no discernible reason. Nobu is alone, but searching for his purpose in a divided world. [Credited to Naoreo. Source: Fiverr] TECHNIQUE SPECIALIZATION Katon [Fire Style] - Proficient Suiton [Water Style] - Proficient Kuchiyose no Jutsu [Summoning Technique] - Adept [Contract Made] Doujutsu - Ketsuryugan [Kekkei Genkai] Taijutsu - Focused on repelling rather than assaulting Genjutsu - Proficient Cloning Jutsus - Hi Bunshin no Jutsu, Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu IMPORTANT HEIRLOOMS Yugakure Headband - Though in hiding, Nobu admires the ways of his Village and wishes he could follow the path set from noble pacifism regardless of his blood. Therefore, he has kept the headband of his Genin days in pristine condition. Clan Apparel - In spite of his predicament in being of a blood-abiding Clan, Nobu honors his mother by wearing his father’s old shinobi outfit with the Clan’s sigil inscribed onto it. CURRENT LIFE GOALS & ASPIRATIONS Apart from wishing to find his place in the world, the current Nobu wishes to find a shinobi who will guide him further in learning and offer friendly companionship. After all, the shinobi world is difficult to traverse without connections, and this one has already exhausted the goodwill of one Hidden Village. Beggars can't be choosers, and that's why this beggar is traveling to many a valley, leaving no stone unturned, to keep learning about life. [This section will be updated throughout the organic RP experience I wish to have; an individual's goals, as well as their personality, change over time depending on the impact others and the world itself have on them. Don't expect what you've read here to be a stagnant character, bereft of growth or change.] OOC NOTE This character is an original creation and any imitation or blatant attempt to copy key components of said creation will be scrutinized. I aim to use this character in Roleplay as well as in-game content, therefore he's to be considered partially In-Character during most times. If I'm walking around, I'm in character. I allow any and all interaction with Nobu, but in the case of potential loss of limbs due to injury, or in the case of potential death, I would like to be forewarned about participating in an RP prompt. Furthermore, I would like to point out that I do not tolerate Powergaming nor will I sit through blatant Metagaming. Just because your character has a Sharingan, a Ketsuryugan, a Byakugan, or some other eye technique that does not mean you should be able to openly commit Roleplay sins. The best characters rely on their character itself, and not their powers. Nobu's traits and personality are to be discovered In-Character. See you all in-game!